The Trip To The French Zoo
by Telpei
Summary: The g-boyz get a new mission-*drum roll please* to investigate a french zoo! The title says it all...it's really quite funny, as none of them speak french, except Trowa, but the others don't know that...Relena and Hilde bashing, beware!(pg13 for language)
1. The Mission

Hey! This fic kind of came out of nowhere, it's when the g-boyz visit the zoo! I know that this probably sounds like a boring old story, but I added a twist.........it's a French zoo! Which means all the signs and the tours are in French! Muahahahahahahaha! This is going to be fun.....  
  
Disclaimer-I don't own gundam wing or the characters. I'm not making anything offa this!  
  
This takes place um, sometime while the boys are still pilots, so I guess they're all 15 years old (and as hot as ever) um, they might be a little ooc, so bear with me.  
  
Um, Trowa knows how to speak French. The others have no idea.  
  
I'm writing this in a script because I'm too lazy to write it as a real fic. Heh. Go figure.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A Trip To The Zoo  
  
Heero-*at his lap top in his room talking to J* what is our next mission?  
  
J-Did you make it to Paris?  
  
Heero-yes. Why are we here?  
  
J-We got news of a zoo that Zechs is running to recruit new soldiers.  
  
Duo-We get to go to the zoo?  
  
Heero-mission accepted.  
  
Duo-YAY!!!!*runs down the stairs* QUATRE!  
  
Quatre-what is it duo?  
  
Duo-we get to go to the zooooooo!  
  
Quatre-really? With all the cute little fuzzy animals? YAY!  
  
Wufei-the zoo is for weaklings. I refuse to go.  
  
Heero-*gets to the bottom of the stairs*it's a mission Wufei. We have to.  
  
Wufei-INJUSTICE!  
  
Duo-Hey, where's T-man?  
  
Trowa-*enters the room* "..................."  
  
Quatre-*translating* when do we leave?  
  
Heero-right now. *holds up some entrance tickets.* let's go.  
  
Duo-YAY!  
  
*~* on the way to the zoo*~*  
  
Duo-The wheels on the bus go round and round  
  
Wufei-we're not on a bus.  
  
Duo-oh. It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all...  
  
Wufei-stop singing.  
  
Quatre-that's mean Wufei.  
  
Trowa-"........"  
  
Quatre-Trowa! That wasn't very nice!  
  
Duo-It's a world of laughter a world of cheer.  
  
Heero-*pulls out his gun* I will kill you.  
  
Duo-how can you do that when you're driving?  
  
Heero-*puts gun away.* I'm talented.  
  
Duo-oh. *decides to shut up* Are we there yet?  
  
Heero-no.  
  
Duo-are we there yet?  
  
Heero-no  
  
Duo-are we.........  
  
Trowa, Wufei and Heero-NO.  
  
Quatre-that wasn't very nice.  
  
*~*ten very LONG minutes later *~*  
  
Wufei *stumbles out of the car.* I am not sitting beside Maxwell on the way home.  
  
Duo-why not woofie?  
  
Wufei-*glares at Duo*  
  
Duo-oh. I mean Wufei?  
  
Heero-we're going in. *pulls out his gun and starts doing a james bond walk. Duo sings james bond music.*  
  
Quatre-uh, guys?  
  
Duo and Heero-*turn to look at Quatre* what?  
  
Quatre-they aren't going to let you in if you go like that.  
  
Duo-oh. *stops humming james bond music*  
  
Heero-*puts his gun away* let's go then  
  
*~* at the ticket booth *~*  
  
Ticket booth guy-Avez-vous vos billets?  
  
Heero-huh?  
  
Quatre-we don't speak French.  
  
Ticket booth guy-vos billets....*holds up some tickets that look like the ones Heero had gotten from J.*  
  
Heero-oh. *hands over the tickets*  
  
Ticket booth guy-Merci beaucoup. Amusez vous bien.  
  
Heero-*deathglares the ticket booth guy*  
  
Ticket booth guy-*points the way into the zoo*  
  
Heero-*enters the zoo followed closely by the four other pilots. *  
  
Duo-wow! Lookit all the animals!  
  
Heero-we can't see any yet.  
  
Duo-I was just practicing.  
  
Quatre-*walks up to some signs*they're all in French.  
  
Duo-yeah, but look at all the pretty pictures!  
  
Quatre-Duo, that's a map.  
  
Wufei-but it's of the zoo. Just look for a place that says "recruitment"  
  
Duo-it's in French remember? We'll have to go through the whole thing until we find it.  
  
Wufei-injustice.  
  
Trowa-"............."  
  
Quatre-*translating* it's one big path so we can't split up either.  
  
Heero-I feel like we're being watched. *reaches for his gun.*  
  
*everyone jumps on Heero*  
  
Wufei-you can't use that thing in here or they'll kick us out. And we can't defend ourselves cause they're speaking some injust language.  
  
Aria-wufei, it's not an injust language.  
  
Wufei-be quiet weak onna. It is.  
  
Aria-for those of you "readers" that are French I apologize for Wooffie's bad behaviour.  
  
Wufei-it's Wufei.  
  
Aria-I'm the author, I can call you what I want.  
  
Wufei-INJUSTICE!  
  
Aria-so there. *leaves*  
  
Duo-where'd she come from?  
  
Quatre-I have no idea.  
  
Heero-. *muffled from the pilots on top of him.* get off of me.  
  
Quatre-oh, sorry.  
  
And so it begins, the pilot's day at a French zoo. Please give me any ideas of animals you would like them to meet, and displays that they might want to see. I'll try to include them. Let me know what you think!  
  
Aria  
  
Oh, and I'll include French translations at the bottom, so if you don't want to read them you don't have to. (I think it takes away from the "guessing")  
  
Avez vous vos billets-do you have your tickets.  
  
Vos billets-your tickets.  
  
Merci beaucoup-thank you very much  
  
Amusez vous bien-have a great time.  
  
To any of you who do speak French and notice that I made a mistake, please let me know and I'll fix it. I'm not perfect, so I tend to make some mistakes. English is my first language, so it's to be expected. Once again, please review! 


	2. The First Batch Of Unlucky Animals

Heheheh, I like this fic already, and the animals aren't even here yet. Oh my..  
  
Anyway, when we left off, the g-boyz found out that they had to travel the whole zoo to find the oz secret hidden base thing. Yeah, I'm not too sure where that part came from, but they're on a mission from J. yeah. So , anyway, this should be interesting..  
  
Disclaimer-see first chapter-I'm too lazy to type it again.  
  
Nueva Yui Maxwell-how would you like to be in the fic? As the camel trainer? Ooooh, good ideas..  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The first batch of unlucky animals  
  
Duo-so, can we get going then?  
  
Wufei-where are we going?  
  
Duo-we have to go through the zoo don't we?  
  
Quatre-yeah.  
  
Duo-well, we've been sitting on top of Heero for over a day because Aria's too lazy to type the rest of this.  
  
Aria-stuff it duo.  
  
Duo-make me. *Duo shoves his braid into his mouth*  
  
Aria-you insisted.  
  
Duo-*slightly muffled* you cheated.  
  
Aria-yeah, anyway, you guys have some people to meet before you begin your trip.....*leaves*  
  
Heero-no, you can't mean......  
  
Out of Nowhere-HHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERO!  
  
Heero-run. Now.  
  
Duo-no, I want to see the animals.  
  
Wufei-we're not here to see the animals. We're here to find Oz.  
  
Quatre-but if we look at all the exhibits then we can find Oz easier because they could be hiding in the animal's cages.  
  
Wufei-*grumblegrumble-INJUSTICE-grumblegrumble*  
  
Heero-whatever we do we have to do it NOW.  
  
Duo-why?  
  
Heero-too late.  
  
Relena-Heero! *latches on to Heero's arm*  
  
Duo-oops.  
  
Heero-damn.  
  
Wufei-Onna.  
  
Trowa-"..................."  
  
Quatre-Trowa, that's not nice.  
  
Heero-ok, let's get going.  
  
Relena-wait, Hilde's not here yet!  
  
Duo-Hilde? Ack!  
  
Hilde-Duo! I haven't seen you for the longest time!  
  
Duo-I know. And I tried so hard to keep it that way.  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Quatre-ok, can we go now.  
  
Wufei-yes. Now.  
  
Qautre-alright!  
  
*they enter the zoo gates (the second set, beyond the main entrance) and they turn to see the first exhibit- it's a Canadian one.*  
  
Wufei-what's that thing? *stares into a pond type exhibit*  
  
Duo-I dunno. There's a big pile of sticks in the middle of it.  
  
Quatre-the sign says "castor". Isn't that a type of oil?  
  
Duo-that's what I thought.  
  
Relena-is there a picture on the sign, Quatre?  
  
Heero-*glances down at the Relena-leech that is clinging to his arm. An evil idea crosses his mind. He decides to carry out his evil plan* Oh Relena?  
  
Relena-yes Heero dearest?  
  
Heero-I dropped my contact in the castor *pronounced by Heero as caster* can you get it for me? I can't see a thing.  
  
Relena-Oh you poor dear. Of course I will! *jumps into the exhibit.*  
  
Heero-Hn. Maybe now we'll get to see these caster things.  
  
Quatre-I didn't know you wore contacts Heero.  
  
Heero-I don't.  
  
Quatre-oh. That wasn't very nice.  
  
Heero-did you find it yet Relena?  
  
Relena-still looking!  
  
Heero-I think it got blown into the middle of the pond.  
  
Relena-Ok. *goes to the middle of the pond.*  
  
Duo-this could get interesting......  
  
*all of a sudden, the "casters" come from nowhere and attack Relena*  
  
Relena-AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Duo-Oh, they're cute!  
  
Quatre-look at their big teeth!  
  
Wufei-they have funny tails.  
  
Hilde-what about Relena?  
  
Heero-oh yeah. Quick, where's the next exhibit?  
  
Duo-*while walking away* what are those caster things?  
  
Quatre-I don't know, but they were cute!  
  
*at the next exhibit*  
  
Wufei-I read the sign this time. *notes that there aren't any pictures, and most of the vowels have funny little signs on them.* the big print says "orignal"  
  
Duo-an original? What kind of an animal is that?  
  
Heero-something big. I hope.  
  
Duo-why do you hope?  
  
Heero-*whispers something to Duo.*  
  
Duo-*evil grin crosses his face.* Oh. That's a good reason to want a big animal.  
  
Heero-ready?  
  
Duo-always.  
  
Heero-on the count of three.  
  
Duo-one  
  
Heero-two  
  
Duo and Heero-THREE! *they heave an unknowing Hilde into the fenced in area of the "original"  
  
Hilde-AHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Duo-too bad you can't climb fences "Hilde-babe"  
  
Hilde-Duo, save me!  
  
Duo-no thanks.  
  
Quatre-that's not very nice.  
  
Duo-I know.  
  
*just then the "original" comes into view and spots hilde. It happens to be a very big animal, to Heero and Duo's pleasure, and it immediately charges at Hilde.*  
  
Hilde-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  
  
*her voice volume diminishes slowly as she runs from the "original" at a surprisingly fast speed.*  
  
Duo-that was fun. What's next?  
  
Wufei-*so no one else can hear* the original was my type of animal.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
well, I'll continue with more animal encounters in the next chapter. Please let me know what you think! If you have any questions about what the Canadian animals are, then let me know and I'll try to explain, or you can do a search on the English definition and you'll probably come up with some pictures. Well, please give me some more ideas of what animals you'd like to see, or other countries that I should do. I might do another section on Canada since this chapter only had two animals. So, once again, please review! Emails are also welcome at duos_only_chick@hotmail.com if you have a really long idea. Thanks!  
  
Aria  
  
*~*  
  
Translations:  
  
Castor-beaver  
  
"funny little signs on the vowels"-accents (ex. É ê à î ô etc)  
  
Orignal-moose 


	3. The Second Batch Of Unlucky Animals

Hehe, well, we're moving on to the bird exhibit.this could get interesting. Very interesting.........  
  
Um, I don't think I own gundam wing, but maybe I was just drunk when I created it..........*lol*  
  
Oh yeah, and thank you to Luna for the wonderful idea about the mimicking bird *a parrot* and to  
  
Please let me know what you think, and feel free to offer any suggestions. I can make this as long as it needs to be to include as many animals as is possible. Heh. Well, on with the toruture........i mean fic.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The Second Batch Of Unlucky Animals  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Aria-what is it now?  
  
Heero-Relena isn't dead, is she?  
  
Aria-Of course not (sorry Raijra!) just temporarily delayed.  
  
Duo-Hilde too then?  
  
Aria-I'm afraid so. Oh, I just realized I need to upgrade the rating of this fic for upcoming language. Any of you others know what rating to give for bad language? I have no idea.  
  
Duo-Bad language? As if any of us would swear.....  
  
Aria-you'll be surprised at the circumstances.  
  
Duo-nothing scares me! I am shinigami!  
  
Aria-*sighs and leaves*  
  
Quatre-I don't get how she appears out of nowhere like that.  
  
Duo-I don't think we're supposed to.  
  
Quatre-ok.  
  
Wufei-INJUSTICE!  
  
Heero-what now?  
  
Wufei-everything's in French and I don't understand it! ARGH! You'd think that with all our training that they could have shown us another language or two.  
  
Quatre-didn't they teach you English?  
  
Wufei-well, yeah, but.........  
  
Quatre-Duo and Trowa are the only pilots that didn't need to learn it.  
  
Wufei-oh. But what about the Japanese?  
  
Duo-I had to learn that.  
  
Heero-he's still no good at it.  
  
Duo-be quiet.  
  
Heero-*glares at Duo*  
  
Duo-Eeep!  
  
Quatre-let's get back to the animals, ok?  
  
Heero-good idea.  
  
Duo-YEAH! Cute, fuzzy, little, peaceful, nice, little animals!  
  
Quatre-Ooh, a sign!  
  
*all the pilots look up to see a sign that reads "oiseau"*  
  
Duo-what's a ..........  
  
Heero-I suggest you do NOT try to pronounce that word.  
  
*the pilots all agree, then head through the gates. A tour guide greets them at the entrance to the "oiseau" exhibit.*  
  
Tour guide-voulez vous prendre un tour de cette section?  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Duo-*in a hushed whisper* maybe it's part of the Oz thingy  
  
Heero-*glances at Duo.*  
  
Tour gide-*in an agitated voice* voulez vous....  
  
Duo-yeah, we'll come! *nods his head vigorously*  
  
Quatre-are you sure this is such a good idea?  
  
Heero-we don't have a choice now.  
  
*the pilots are led by the tour guide into a open topped bus*  
  
Duo-oooh, a bus....  
  
Heero-*sits on one of the seats and glares at anyone that looks at him. The other pilots choose seats as well.*  
  
Tour guide-le tour commence maintenent. S'il vous plait, laissez vos mains dans l'auto bus tout le temps. Merci beaucoup.  
  
Duo-this is so exciting! And that guy is so interesting!  
  
Wufei-you can't understand him.  
  
Duo- I know! That means I can't learn anything.  
  
Wufei-*sighs* Maxwell, you. Are. Strange.  
  
Duo- I know. Hey........wait a sec..........that's not nice Wooffie!  
  
Wufei-don't test my patience in here Maxwell. I don't want to have to throw you off the bus.  
  
Duo-I am shinigami! No one can throw shinigami!  
  
Wufei-Not when you're conscious, no.  
  
Duo-Oh.  
  
Heero-be quiet and try to find Oz.  
  
Duo-okie!  
  
Tour Guide-Si l'autobus s'explode, les sorties sont partout. Amusez vous!  
  
Quatre-Hey, Heero!  
  
Heero-what is it Quatre?  
  
Quatre-that bird that's beside you, on the post.........  
  
Heero-What about it?  
  
Quatre-I think it likes you.  
  
*to Heero's annoyance, it was true. The bird was fond of our stoic soldier. (not that way, sickos!)*  
  
*ten minutes later*  
  
Duo-I'm hungry.  
  
Heero-it was your idea to come on this stupid bus with this stupid bird. *five minutes ago, the bird had landed on Heero's shoulder. The tour guide had been talking on and off, as the bus rumbled through a dense forest.*  
  
Duo-Polly want a cracker? *the pilots had finally found some animals they'd recognized. The tour guide had really strange names for them, however. Apparently Polly the parrot was "Pollie le Perroquet" and you can imagine how much fun Duo had with that pronunciation* Polly le perroquit want a cracker?  
  
Heero-dumb parrot.  
  
Polly-dumb parrot.  
  
Quatre-it's cute!  
  
Polly-dumb parrot.  
  
Heero-it's not.  
  
Polly-*slurring the words a little to create-* it's snot. Arck! It's snot.  
  
Heero-*deathglares the parrot*  
  
Polly-*deathglares back* Dumb soldier.  
  
Trowa-smart bird.  
  
All-(minus Trowa)HE SPOKE!  
  
Tour guide-Le tour est fini! S'il vous plait, sortir en arrière. Merci beaucoup.  
  
Heero-Finally!  
  
Wufei-And no sign of Oz anywhere.  
  
Quatre-didn't that feel like a tour?  
  
Duo-oddly enough, yeah.........  
  
Heero-keep walking.  
  
Duo-yes sir! *pulls a fake solute*  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Quatre-what's with the forest?  
  
Wufei-there are too many weak birds.  
  
Duo-I bet it's a bird exhibit!  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Trowa-".............."  
  
Quatre-*translating* where's another sign?  
  
Duo-there's one!  
  
Wufei-it has a list.  
  
Duo-these words are unreadable.  
  
Aria-they're in French. Not unreadable, French!  
  
Duo-oh. Can you understand them?  
  
Aria-yeah. Of course. I'm writing this fic, aren't I?  
  
Duo-what do they mean?  
  
Aria-as if I'm going to tell you . *leaves*  
  
Quatre-she did it again.  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Duo-k, the list says hi bow, colombus, flement, and oy. (it really reads hibou, colombe, flamant and oie)  
  
Quatre-are you sure?  
  
Duo-I'm trying my best!  
  
Heero-we're not here to look at the animals. We're looking for Oz.  
  
Duo-oooh! Look! It's a.a ... a bird!  
  
Wufei-no kidding.  
  
Duo-I can't remember what the English word is........  
  
Wufei-which one are you talking about?  
  
Duo-the white one.........DOVE! that's it. What French word do you think that is Wu-man?  
  
Wufei-don't call me that.  
  
Duo-fine. Wufei.  
  
Wufei-probably the hi bow.  
  
Quatre-why do you say that?  
  
Wufei-don't know.  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Duo-ok, let's keep walking.  
  
*they head on, and come to a fenced in, grassy area. *  
  
Heero-could be a shooting range.  
  
Duo-no. it's an animal.  
  
Quatre-I don't see anything. Where's the sign?  
  
Heero-that's not going to help us.  
  
Duo-there might be a picture.  
  
Trowa-".............."  
  
Quatre-*translating* there's never been a picture before.  
  
Duo-well, there's always a first time for everything!  
  
*heads over to the sign.* (It really reads "autruche")  
  
Duo-it says "otruck."  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Out of nowhere-HEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOO! I found your contact HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOO!  
  
Heero-keep walking. Now.  
  
Duo-too late. *hilde latches on to his arm*  
  
Heero-get off, you're all slimy. *Relena refuses to let go, and hands Heero his contact.*  
  
Relena-aren't you going to put it on?  
  
Heero-no.  
  
Relena-why not?  
  
Heero-I don't wear contacts.  
  
Relena-Oh, my Heero played a joke! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! *notices no one else is laughing when she stops for a breath.* HAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahaha ha. Ha ha..........  
  
Heero-it wasn't a joke, I was trying to get rid of you.  
  
Relena-but, Heero.........  
  
Heero-*throws the contact over the fence of the "otruck" exhibit. They all turn to see an ostrich standing there. It swallows the contact.*  
  
Ostrich-*gulp*  
  
Heero-*very sarcastically* AH, I can't see.  
  
Relena-I'll get it back! *jumps over the fence and chases the very very fast ostrich*  
  
Heero-keep moving.....  
  
*they all head to the next exhibit*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well, please let me know what you think, and any ideas will be welcomed with open arms! Just wait till we get to the frogs............  
  
Aria  
  
Translations:  
  
Oiseau-bird  
  
Autruche-ostrich  
  
Perroquet-parrot  
  
Oie-goose  
  
Hibou-owl  
  
Colombe-dove  
  
Flamant-flamingo  
  
voulez vous prendre un tour de cette section-would you like to take a tour of this section  
  
le tour commence maintenent.-the tour is starting now.  
  
S'il vous plait,-please  
  
laissez vos mains dans l'auto bus-keep your hands inside the bus  
  
tout le temps.-at all times  
  
Merci beaucoup. -thank you very much  
  
Si l'autobus s'explode,-if the bes explodes  
  
les sorties sont partout.-the exits are everywhere  
  
Amusez vous!-have fun  
  
Le tour est fini!-the tour is finished  
  
S'il vous plait, -please  
  
sortir en arrière. -exit to the back  
  
Merci beaucoup.-thank you very much. 


	4. The Third Batch Of Unlucky Animals

Thank you so much for all of the supportive reviews! I'm sorry this part took so long to come out, but I had to comfirm some things with our star….you'll see in a few moments who it is, so I won't give it away. *Grins evilly* okie, anyway, uh, I was gonna say something else…….o yeah. I don't own gundam wing, and I'm just tormenting the characters for a short while. Hehe. Ok, anyway, on with the trip to the zoo…………this could get interesting.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Chapter 4 The Third Batch Of Unlucky Animals  
  
Aria-this is so much fun!  
  
Duo-you're enjoying this way too much.  
  
Wufei-stupid onna.  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Trowa-"………………………."  
  
Quatre-*translating* who's the star? Aren't we the main characters?  
  
Aria-ah yes, our guest star. Hehe. For suggesting the wonderful idea of having a camel spit on justice-boy, Nueva Yui Maxwell is appearing LIVE! (well, sorta) Uh, yeah. *random applause* you'll like this part, I promise…………*leaves*  
  
Quatre-she came out of nowhere again.  
  
Duo-she's the author. She's allowed to.  
  
Quatre-oh.  
  
Heero-aren't we in the middle of escaping from Relena?  
  
Duo-yeah, we still have to get rid of Hilde…………..  
  
Hilde-C'mon Duo!!!  
  
*the guys approach another sign, walking quickly, well, following Heero who is walking quickly*  
  
Duo-it says…………..Chomo  
  
*the sign really reads chameau*  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Quatre-What's a chomo?  
  
Duo-dunno.  
  
Wufei-Injustice!  
  
Hilde-Oh Duo!!!  
  
Quatre-there's a fenced in area over there, maybe it's the Oz peoples.  
  
Duo-YAY!  
  
Quatre-what was that for?  
  
Duo-dunno.  
  
Wufei-this stinks.  
  
Heero-no kidding. I hate this place.  
  
Wufei-no, I meant this stinks.  
  
Duo-PU! What is that awful smell?  
  
Heero-oh.  
  
Wufei-what are those horse things? They stink.  
  
Quatre-CAMEL RIDES!!!!  
  
*Quatre immediately runs towards a girl who is standing beside a camel that is tied to a fence. The area behind it is worn in a circular pattern. *  
  
Wufei-ANOTHER ONNA? INJUSTICE!  
  
*Duo and Heero stop and gape at the girl who is standing beside the camel. She's wearing the traditional zoo t-shirt, and a pair of worn blue jeans. She had reddish blond hair, and was approximately 5'4". Her eyes were a shade of hazelnut that Duo and Heero seemed to like, a lot…..*  
  
Duo-whoa.  
  
Hilde-What do you mean whoa?  
  
Heero-he means whoa whoa.  
  
Duo-yeah. Whoa.  
  
Hilde-Uck! Stop checking out the zoo chick!  
  
Duo-but she's cute!  
  
Heero-yeah.  
  
Aria-o my. Heero just agreed with Duo. The world is at an end. *leaves*  
  
Quatre-*mumbling* she did it again……….  
  
Wufei-would you two stop gaping and come on the stupid camel ride?  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Duo-YA! I wanna go on the horse thingies!  
  
*the guys head over to the girl.*  
  
Nueva-Bonjour! Bienvenue aux parcours des chameaux! Voulez vous prendre un tour?  
  
Duo-*still gaping* wha.............  
  
Nueva-*thinking* tourists..............  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Quatre-what he means to say is, we don't speak French.  
  
Nueva-alors, pourquoi est-ce que vous sont dans un zoo français?  
  
Trowa-..............................  
  
Quatre-*translating* it's a long story.  
  
Duo-hey, Q-man, what Trowa just said doesn't make any sense!  
  
Nueva-voulez vous prendre le tour? Oui ou non?  
  
Trowa-...................................  
  
Quatre-*translating* Duo and I do. The one with the braid is Duo.  
  
Nueva-Je savai ça. Vous êtes de l'émission Gundam Wing. Sont vous ici sur un mission?  
  
Heero-did she say mission?  
  
Hilde-Uck, I stepped in camel poo.  
  
Duo-haha.  
  
Nueva-alors, vous voulez le tour?  
  
Trowa-...............................  
  
Quatre-*translating* yeah.  
  
Nueva-deux dollars par personne.  
  
Trowa-*hands Nueva 4 dollars*  
  
Nueva-Duo, tu es premier.  
  
Duo-what?  
  
Trowa-...........................................  
  
Quatre-*translating* Duo, you go first.  
  
Duo-oh. OK!  
  
*duo jumps on the camel, and yells for the whole ride (three circles of the worn out path) when he returns, he gets off, and Quatre gets on, smiling brilliantly for all of his turn*  
  
Trowa-…………………………….  
  
Quatre-*translating* thanks.  
  
Nueva-pas de problème. Merci!  
  
Trowa-...............................  
  
Quatre-*translating* it was fun.  
  
Nueva-*smiles, and starts to tie up the camel, unfortunately, it escapes!*  
  
Trowa-…………………………  
  
Quatre-*translating* grab the camel!  
  
*all 5 guys start chasing the runaway camel*  
  
Wufei-I've almost got it! *grabs the reins*  
  
*~* the force of the camel running pulls Wufei off of his feet, and he is dragged along behind the camel. Eventually Heero and Duo grab it on either side of it's head, where the reins are attatched, and they manage to stop the camel *~*  
  
Wufei-*gets up off the ground* stupid camel.  
  
*the camel turns it's head at Wufei's words and spits. The glob of saliva hits Wufei square in the face*  
  
Wufei-INJUSTICE!  
  
Nueva-*with slight French accent* sorry, but you shouldn't have insulted her.  
  
Wufei-it's a woman camel?  
  
Nueva-of course.  
  
Duo-hey, you can speak English.  
  
Nueva-*grins evilly*  
  
Heero-Omae O Korosu!  
  
Duo-no, you can't shoot her! She gave me a camel ride!  
  
Heero-*deathglares Duo* fine. *puts gun away.*  
  
Wufei-INJUSTICE!  
  
*from the distance* HEEERRROOOOO!  
  
Heero-we have to leave. Now.  
  
Hilde-I stepped in more camel poo!  
  
Duo-maybe you should go and take a shower in the water fall over there……….*points to a fake pond with icky brown water and a small waterfall*  
  
Hilde-good idea Duo! *kisses him on the cheek*  
  
Duo-gross! *makes a face*  
  
Heero-we have to leave, now!  
  
Nueva-bye.  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Duo-BYE!  
  
*From the distance* HEEEEEEEEEEEERRROOO!  
  
Quatre-goodbye Miss Nueva, thank you for the camel ride!  
  
Nueva-pas de problème  
  
Trowa-…………………………….  
  
Quatre-*translating* thank you for the good laugh. I love trying to see them struggle with the French.  
  
Nueva-*giggles* je comprends complètement!  
  
All(except Trowa and Nueva) *turn to stare at Trowa* HEY!!!  
  
Duo-can you speak French Trowa?  
  
*From the distance, but slightly closer* HEEEEEEEEEERRRROOOOOOOO!  
  
Heero-we have to go, now!  
  
Duo-agreed. BYE!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well, that was chapter 4, what did you think? Hehe. This is so much fun to write! Ok, now for the translations…………………………….  
  
Chameau-camel  
  
Chameaux-camels  
  
Bonjour!-hello!  
  
Bienvenue aux parcours des chameaux!-welcome to the camel rides  
  
Voulez vous prendre un tour?-would you like to take a ride?  
  
alors, pourquoi est-ce que vous sont dans un zoo français-then why are you in a french zoo?  
  
voulez vous prendre le tour?-would you like to take a ride?  
  
Oui ou non?-yes or no?  
  
deux dollars par personne-2 dollars per person  
  
Je savai ça.-I knew that.  
  
Vous êtes de l'émission Gundam Wing.-you're from Gundam Wing  
  
Sont vous ici sur un mission?-are you here on a mission?  
  
Duo, tu es premier.-duo, you're first  
  
pas de problème. Merci!-no problem, thankyou.  
  
je comprends complètement!-i understand completely! 


	5. The Fourth Batch Of Unlucky Animals

   
  
Hehehehehehehehehe! I don't own gundam wing or anything else, for that matter, and I absolutely *hate* disclaimers. Ugh. They remind you of something that you don't need to be reminded of…  
  
Warnings-eventual bad (very very bad) use of language  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The Fourth Batch Of Unlucky Animals  
  
Heero-what is it this time?  
  
Aria-heh. You do *not* want to know.  
  
Duo-wanna bet?  
  
Aria-well, let's just say it's time for something cute and fuzzy! *laughs histerically*  
  
Quatre-yay! Cute and fuzzy!  
  
Aria-ok, let's get on with this…  
  
From the distance-HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERROOOOOO!  
  
Aria-definitely time to get on with this.  
  
Heero-Omae O Korosu.  
  
Aria-whatever. *leaves*  
  
Duo-so, where are these animals?  
  
*~* the gundam pilots walk for a bit, and come to a sign that says: Afrique*~*  
  
Quatre-afrikwe? What kind of a name is that?  
  
Duo-dunno.  
  
Heero-keep walking.  
  
Duo-wow! Look, another fenced in area!  
  
Wufei-the sign says 'lion'! finally, something I can understand!  
  
*~* heero and Duo exchange a glance *~*  
  
Duo-lions?  
  
Heero-I think that's what he said.  
  
From the distance-HEEEEEEEEEEERRROOOOOO!  
  
Quatre-now Heero, you can't let the lions eat Relena.  
  
Heero-*glances at Quatre* why not?  
  
Quatre-because wouldn't it be much more fun to torture her first?  
  
Duo-*Eyes widen* Quatre, I never knew you could think that way!  
  
Quatre-*smiles politely* what way Duo? *walks off to join Trowa further ahead.*  
  
Duo-whoa. That was weird.  
  
Heero-Hn. We have to keep walking.  
  
*~* the guys decide to continue, as the lions seem to be nowhere in sight, even though Trowa is with the group. They pass the fenced in area, and come to another cage, a smaller one this time.*~*  
  
Quatre-I wonder what's in there…  
  
Duo-something small I bet!  
  
Quatre- and small means fuzzy!  
  
Duo-YAY!  
  
Quatre-oooo, look, koalas!!!  
  
Duo-oh, they're sooo cute!  
  
From the distance-HEEEEEEEEEERRROOOOOO!  
  
Heero-*grabs duo* c'mon we've got to go!  
  
*~*Duo follows Heero reluctantly, while Quatre stays behind, hiding in the shadows of the trees beside the koala cage. *~*  
  
Quatre-now, to get inside…  
  
Lindsay-would you like to go in?  
  
Quatre-*jumps* huh? Who are you?  
  
*~* the girl beside him, the one who came up with the idea for koalas and tea, is Lindsay. She has bright green eyes, and dirty blond hair. She looks to be about the same age as the gundam pilots. There's a mischievous grin on her face*~*  
  
Lindsay-I'm Lindsay. I'm the keeper of the koalas.  
  
Quatre-but you speak English…  
  
Lindsay-oui, mais je parle français aussi.  
  
Quatre-huh?  
  
Lindsay-I speak French as well.  
  
Quatre-oh.  
  
Lindsay-so, do you want to meet the koalas?  
  
Quatre-yay! Koalas!  
  
Lindsay-*pulls key out of pocket* ok, here you go! *opens the door for the blond.*  
  
*~*A few minutes later, the other four pilots come hurrying back calling Quatre's name. They find him in the cage with the koalas, apparently involved in a one sided conversation about tea. And, the koalas each have a miniature cup, identical to the regular sized one Quatre was holding in his hand.*~*  
  
Aria-*snaps picture* oh, so kawaii! *leaves*  
  
Duo-c'mon Quatre, Relena and Hilde are going to catch up!  
  
Quatre-huh? Oh, hi guys! I'll be out in a sec…  
  
*~* in a few minutes, the blond Arabian is out of the cage and is following a rather hurried Heero away from the koalas.  
  
Quatre-bye bye!!  
  
*after walking for a bit, the boys come to another sign*  
  
Duo-hey, it says "arctikwe!"  
  
*~*They walk for another minute and come to another fenced in area, this one with ice and snow and water, and all that other arctic stuff.*~*  
  
*~*The next exhibit is the *grins sheepishly* reason for the raising of the rating. Heh. The arctic exhibit. For those of you that know French, you can probably guess at what animal is going to be in there…This is the only part with bad language so far, so if you're under thirteen, you're probably going to be reading this anyway, but if you don't want to hear the bad words, then just skip this part. I won't include anymore animals till the next chapter, not to worry, and I won't put any of the *ahem* plot *various snickers* very funny. Ok, well, on with the hehe arctic…*~*  
  
*~*if you're still reading this, I suggest you stop *now* right now. *~*  
  
*~* if you are still reading this I can guarantee you that I am in no way responsible for what goes through your heads, and you can't say I didn't warn you. THIS GETS UGLY!!! BAD USE OF LANGUAGE!! I suggest you look up the French word for seal *before* you read this.(and for those of you that are too lazy it is "PHOQUE" there, it's said. That is the French word for seal you have been warned.) Please stop now!!! *~*  
  
*~* if you're still reading, it's not my fault. I warned you lots of times. You have no right to flame me for this section of the fic. Thank you. *~*  
  
Quatre-oh, look another sign! *reads the word in his head, and blushes a deep shade of red.*  
  
Duo-well, what's it say Q-man?  
  
Quatre-it says…  
  
Duo-just say it, we won't laugh…  
  
Quatre-fuck.  
  
All except Quatre-WHAT?!?!?!?!  
  
Quatre-nonono! That's what the sign says…  
  
Duo-*glances over the blond's shoulder* he's right. It does say fuck.  
  
Trowa-"….."  
  
Quatre-*translating* it probably does. But it probably doesn't mean that type of…well you know.  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Wufei-he's saying it's another type of animal baka. How do you spell it?  
  
Duo- I - T.  
  
Wufei-what?  
  
Duo-you asked me how to spell *it*, so I spelt *it* … I – T  
  
Wufei-no, you baka! Spell…  
  
Duo-spell what Wufei?  
  
Wufei-*turns a lovely shade of crimson and mutters something*  
  
Duo-sorry Wuman, I didn't catch that.  
  
Wufei-*mumbles something again*  
  
Duo-you're gonna have to speak up a bit wooffie, I can't hear you.  
  
Wufei-it's Wufei. And I asked you to spell fuck!  
  
Duo-alright. F – U – C – K  
  
Wufei-*now turning red with anger* NOT THAT !@#$%^&*, THE OTHER !@#$%^&!!!  
  
Duo-OH. Ok, P – H – O – Q – U – E  
  
Wufei-*sighs* there we go.  
  
Heero-Duo  
  
Duo-yeah?  
  
Heero-what's a fuck?  
  
Duo-*grins mischievously* you really want me to show you?  
  
Heero-not like that you baka. The animal.  
  
Duo-oh. Um, probably whatever's in there… *points to the caged in area…*  
  
*~* nobody notices that Trowa has gone into a corner and is laughing his head off. Tears of laughter are streaming down his face. Ok, I now pass around a box of tissues and remind everyone that breathing is a good thing, and to forget it while laughing is a bad thing. Thank you. *~*  
  
*Heero notices something gray swimming in the water.*  
  
Duo-hey, what's that thing?  
  
Heero-it's a … seal…  
  
Duo- a seal? We got all upset over that word because of a seal?  
  
Wufei-INJUSTICE!  
  
Aria-hehe…that was…hehehe…the funniest thing…hehehe…to watch…oh Wufei, you're face….it went to red!!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
ok, breathe….yeah, I know that was bad. And it was an excessive use of a certain word, but hey. *whew*. Alright, maybe it wasn't that funny….na, it wasn't funny at all. But hey, I tried. If you got a laugh out of it, then let me know…either review or email are welcome at duos_only_chick@hotmail.com  
  
Aria  
  
Translations-everything in this fic was pretty much accounted for. Um,  
  
Afrique- Africa.  
  
Arctique- Arctica  
  
Phoque-(we've been through this already) seal. 


	6. Trowa's Evil Plan

HEHEHE....  
  
Disclaimer-I don't own it so don't sue.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Trowa's evil plan  
  
Aria-heh. This fic is getting a lot of reviews...so thank you to those who left one! Once again, comments are appreciated as are ideas...  
  
Duo-what's going to be fun?  
  
Aria-you'll see...*leaves*  
  
Heero-Hn. Let's go.  
  
Wufei-yes. Enough of the seals.  
  
Duo-hehehe...you did turn a nice shade of red Wuffles.  
  
Wufei-wuffles? Is that *another* variation of my name!!! I'm sick and tired of this MAXWELL! MY NAME IS WUFEI!!! NOT WU-MAN NOT WOOFIE! NOT WUFFLES! Wufei...yes...my name is Wufei...  
  
*Wufei glances around and notices that no one is listening to him. Not even the author who just wrote it.*  
  
Wufei-INJUSTICE! WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME!!!!!  
  
From the distance-HEEEERROOOO!  
  
Wufei-time to boogey. *runs down the trail away from Relena's annoying voice.  
  
Duo-it's about time wu-man. We were wondering when you were going to catch up.  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Duo-ooh, a cave. I wonder what's in there...  
  
Quatre-probably bats, and spiders, and bugs and stuff like that.  
  
Wufei-finally. Something I can enjoy.  
  
Trowa-hm. I wonder...  
  
Quatre-you wonder what?  
  
Trowa-nothing...it's just that...  
  
Duo-spit it out t-man.  
  
Trowa-"..."  
  
Quatre-*Translating* maybe if Relena and Hilde follow us in here, we can...well, you get the picture.  
  
Duo-he fit all of that into three dots and a pair of quotation marks?  
  
Heero-doesn't matter how he did it. We're going with the plan. Ok, everyone into position. Let's get a look at these animals before we decide what to do...  
  
*the guys head into the cave. Various laughs are heard from Duo, and they were enough to make anyone's skin crawl at the evil tone. They then regroup in the middle of the cave.*  
  
Trowa-Ok, everyone listen up, this is how it's going to work...  
  
*various evil laughs from Duo and Aria is snickering in the background*  
  
Quatre-oh, Trowa, isn't that a little too much?  
  
Duo-no way. That's perfect.  
  
Quatre-allright...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
that's it for now folks. I'll try to get the next part up as soon as I can. Sorry to leave you hanging like this...  
  
Aria  
  
All ideas are welcome, and something creepy would be good for the next chapter. Emails are welcome at either [1]duos_only_chick@hotmail.com or [2]duet_22@gundamwing.org  
  
Thanks.  
  
References  
  
1. mailto:duos_only_chick@hotmail.com  
2. mailto:duet_22@gundamwing.org 


	7. The Fifth Batch Of Unlucky Animals

Sherpock-you're finally writing again.  
  
Aria-be quiet muse. For those of you that were wondering, sherpock is my muse. Along with the characters from the fic. They're helping me to get this finished.  
  
Duo-YAY!  
  
Aria-well, to a certain extent.  
  
Sherpock-enough talk, get writing.  
  
Aria-shouldn't you be saying `elementary'?  
  
Sherpock-the name is sherpock, not Sherlock.  
  
Aria-he's a version of Sherlock Holmes. I wasn't going to ask where he came from.  
  
Sherpock-the probability lies in the direction of your imagination.  
  
Aria-whatever. On with the fic. By the way, I don't own gundam wing.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Chapter 7  
  
The Fifth Batch Of Unlucky Animals  
  
Duo-*laughing* we're in a cave!  
  
*from the distance* HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOO!  
  
Heero-ok, everyone into position...  
  
Relena-*enters the cave* HEEEEEROOO I found your contact?  
  
Heero-WHAT? THE OSTRITCH SWALLOWED IT!!!!  
  
Duo-SHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Relena-I can hear you Heero! You're in the corner. What are you doing in the dark! Come out with me! *heads over to Heero, who is quite conveniently standing beside a sign which reads `araignée'*  
  
Heero-*very sarcastically* oh look, a sign  
  
Relena-let me read it for you Heeeero  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Wufei-*muttering* weak onna  
  
Relena-um...araye-g-knee  
  
Heero-*grins manically* look in the cage Relena  
  
Relena-ICK!! It's a spider!!!  
  
Heero-yes, and it's going to eat you.  
  
Relena-silly Heero, it's behind the glass.  
  
Heero-that's what guns are for. *pulls out his gun and shoots the glass. It shatters, and the spider heads towards Relena. Why her? Because it sensed her fear, and because I, the author, told it to*  
  
Relena-*Runs away screaming, spiders in her hair* EWWW  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Hilde-Duo?  
  
Duo-plan B, hurry!  
  
Hilde-DUO!!!  
  
Duo-over here, erm, *whispering* do I really have to say it?  
  
Heero-yes.  
  
Duo-*pouting* Hilde-babe.  
  
Hilde-oh, *there* you are Duo! I've been looking everywhere for you!  
  
Duo-you smell funny  
  
Hilde-but I just had a shower!  
  
Duo-*makes a face*  
  
Quatre-*snickers*  
  
Trowa-"..."  
  
Quatre-*translating* the plan...  
  
Duo-oh yeah. Hilde, um, babe, I lost my *black* bobby pin in the bat cave, somewhere towards the back, can you um, get it for me??  
  
Hilde-what were you doing in the back of the cave?  
  
Duo-*thinking quickly* um, one of the bats was jealous, and they uh, stole it. And they put it in the very back where I wouldn't be able to reach it... *thinking* she'd better buy that...  
  
Hilde-oh...ok...*heads into the bat cave*  
  
Duo-YES!  
  
Hilde-what was that duo?  
  
Duo-um, nothing.  
  
Heero-plan c, move now.  
  
*all 5 pilots leave the caves, not noticing Wufei having a conversation with the snake towards the exit. He gets left behind.*  
  
Wufei-so, as you can see, mr snake, I am by far a superior species, and you are weak...  
  
*Wufei rambles on for a few more minutes, before the snake starts to get pissed off.*  
  
Wufei-blah blah blah justice blah blah blah weak blah blah blah onna snake blah blah blah  
  
Snake-we are not sssssssstupid like you humansssssssss  
  
Wufei-ACK! The snake talked!  
  
Snake-duh. We are ssssssuperior to you. It isssss you who are weak...  
  
Wufei-*sobs* it's true! I am not worthy to be a gundam pilot!!!  
  
Hilde-whatcha doin' Wufei, and where are the others?  
  
Wufei-YOU!  
  
Hilde-yes me, I couldn't find duo's bobby pin, so I figured he'd find another one somewhere.  
  
Wufei-oh. Um...  
  
Hilde-are you crying?  
  
Wufei-No...  
  
Hilde-yes you are!  
  
Wufei-am not.  
  
Hilde-are to  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Hilde-are to  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Hilde-are tooooooo  
  
Wufei-I admit. I am weak. I heard a snake talking to me.  
  
Hilde-snake? I don't like snakes...*panic in her voice*  
  
Wufei-oh, reeeeeeeeeeeally...  
  
Hilde-they totally friek me out. Are there any in this zoo?  
  
Wufei-um, no?  
  
Hilde-oh good, because...  
  
Wufei-*ignoring Hilde, and talking to the snake with his mind, telling him how to get out of the cage so he can eat Hilde*  
  
*when Duo comes back to find Wufei, Hilde is nowhere to be seen, but there is a very large snake in the cage.*  
  
Duo-where's hilde?  
  
Wufei-Mr. Snake ate her.  
  
Duo-WHAT!?!?!?!?  
  
Wufei-I thought you of all people would be happy Maxwell.  
  
Duo-Mr. Snake? Wufei, you've lost it. But if Hilde's really gone....  
  
Wufei- don't look at me like that Maxwell. I am not a delicacy.  
  
Duo-darn.  
  
*the two head out of the cave, in search of some food and the other pilots*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*  
  
one down, one to go...you'll never guess how Relena is going to die...heh heh heh. Although, it would be nice to know if you have a guess. Leave a review, or an email!  
  
Ok, I realize this chapter wasn't as funny as the rest, but I'm not really in the mood for this right now. I guarantee you that the next two are going to be absolutely hilarious. Goats and food. Heh. Fun fun.  
  
Aria  
  
Email at [1]duos_only_chick@hotmail.com or [2]duet_22@hotmail.com  
  
Translations-  
  
Araignée-spider  
  
References  
  
1. mailto:duos_only_chick@hotmail.com  
2. mailto:duet_22@hotmail.com 


	8. FOOD!

Well, this is the third last chapter of Trip to the French Zoo! *I think* I don't know if I'm going to put in an extra one...  
  
Sherpock-you have so many other fics to write though!  
  
We've been through this before. I'm doing the best I can! Other authors don't post for months at a time!  
  
Sherpock-so? You aren't them are you?  
  
*sighs* fine. Let me just write this first...  
  
Sherpock-good. Then you can do the other ones.  
  
Oh yeah, I don't own gundam wing or McDonalds. So there, HA!  
  
Um, just one more thing. I wanted to thank Raijra for the idea about the goats. Our Wufei is in for a rather unpleasant surprise, but I'm quite sure that's in the next chapter. Another thank you to Christine for the idea of the spider and the snake. Hehe... ok, one more thank you to ivy adrena for the idea about the caffeine! Hehehehe...*grins evilly* and the penguins...ok, on with the fic...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
FOOD!  
  
Duo-YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! Hilde's dead!  
  
Heero-shut up baka.  
  
Wufei-Mr. Snake was my friend.  
  
Duo-so? Hilde's dead!  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Duo-I think I smell food! *takes off for the McDonalds that is located around the corner of the trail.*  
  
Quatre-wonder what he's going to do when he realizes he'll have to order in French?  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Trowa-"..."  
  
Quatre-*translating* this should be interesting...  
  
*they arrive at the restaurant to find Duo had ordered some of everything since he couldn't tell what he was ordering. He was surrounded by a drink of every flavour, pop or not, approximately 50 different types of hamburgers, and a whole bunch of other stuff.*  
  
Heero-Hn.  
  
Duo-*with mouth full of food* wan sum?  
  
Quatre-yes please.  
  
Trowa-*heads over to the counter* est-ce qu'il a payé?  
  
Waitress-Oui. Avec une carte de credit.  
  
Trowa-Duo, let me see your credit card.  
  
Duo-nuh uh.  
  
Trowa-Duo...  
  
Wufei-Barton...  
  
Trowa-yes Wufei?  
  
Wufei-were you just speaking FRENCH?!?!?!?!  
  
Trowa-um, maybe?  
  
Wufei-this whole time we've been struggling, YOU UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Trowa-um, maybe?  
  
Wufei-INJUSTICE! BARTON PREPARE TO MEET THE WRATH OF MY KATANA! NATAKU AND I ARE GOING TO BRING YOU TO JUSTICE!  
  
Trowa-oh really?  
  
Wufei-YES!  
  
Trowa-ok Wufei, you keep thinking that. *grabs a burger from Duo pile of food.*  
  
Duo-HEY! That's mine!  
  
Trowa-you have lots.  
  
Heero-hn. Let me see the credit card.  
  
Duo-*sighs* fine. *hands Heero his card*  
  
Heero-fake. You baka. What are you going to do when they find out about this?  
  
Duo-um...run?  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Duo-I may run and hide but I never tell a lie!  
  
Heero-this card is a lie.  
  
Duo-no, it's bending the truth.  
  
Quatre-that's not very nice Duo.  
  
Duo-oh well.  
  
Wufei-BARTON!  
  
Trowa-what?  
  
Wufei-I AM STILL TALKING TO YOU!  
  
Duo-your voice certainly blends in with the background noise Wufei.  
  
Wufei-INJUSTICE!  
  
*from the distance*-HEEEEEEEEEEROOO!  
  
Heero-we have to leave. Now.  
  
Duo-give me another minute.  
  
Quatre-if you eat all this food in one minute, you're going to make yourself sick.  
  
Duo-hm?  
  
Quatre-nevermind.  
  
Duo-ok...*continues eating*  
  
......  
  
......  
  
......  
  
Heero-your minute is up.  
  
Duo-done!  
  
*table is empty*  
  
Quatre-you're going to get sick Duo.  
  
Duo-no I'm not. I AM SHINIGAMI! SHINIGAMI DOESN"T GET SICK!  
  
Heero-hn. Let's go.  
  
Quatre-we'll see...  
  
*The pilots leave the restaurant and head down the trail towards another sign*  
  
Duo-so T-man, what's it say?  
  
Trowa-in English it says `penguin'  
  
Duo-cutecutecutecutecute! *does a little dance*  
  
Heero-hn. We still have to find Oz.  
  
Quatre-oh yeah. I forgot about that.  
  
Duo-can I go swimming with the penguins??? Can I can I?  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Quatre-might be a little cold.  
  
Duo-butbutbutbutbutbutbutbutbut...  
  
Wufei-what are you smoking Maxwell?  
  
Duo-coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee!!! * does another little dance*  
  
Heero-uh oh  
  
Quatre-if he's worried, I'm terrified.  
  
Wufei-by any chance did someone give Maxwell coffee?  
  
Duo-*continuing* coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee!!!!!!!!!  
  
Wufei-let's just keep walking.  
  
Heero-good plan. *heads into the area of the penguin exhibit*  
  
*~* an underground tunnel so you can see the penguins swim underwater. *~*  
  
Duo-*literally bouncing off the walls* CUTECUTECUTECUTE!!!!  
  
Quatre-look at tehm go!  
  
Heero-*tap tap tap tap tap*  
  
Duo-whatcha doin Whatcha doin Whatcha doin?  
  
Heero-looking for a hidden door.  
  
Duo-oh. That's boring. Wanna play a game Heero?  
  
Heero-no.  
  
Duo-oh. Wanna play a game Wuffles?  
  
Wufei-no. games are for the weak.  
  
Duo-too bad you can play anyway.  
  
Wufei-you didn't make Heero play.  
  
Duo-he's not Chinese and he's not as fun to bug as you are.  
  
Wufei-injustice. I am not fun to bug.  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not.  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not.  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not.  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not.  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not.  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not.  
  
Heero-*tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap*  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not.  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not.  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not.  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not  
  
Duo-are too  
  
Wufei-am not.  
  
Duo-am not  
  
Wufei-are too  
  
Duo-HAHAHAHAHAHA! You admitted it! That was a good game Wooffie  
  
Wufei-INJUSTICE!  
  
Heero-out of the cave. Everyone now.  
  
Duo-why?  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Quatre-first assumption, it's gonna blow.  
  
Duo-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*the pilots file out of the cave* a "small" explosion is heard, erm, seen, er, both?  
  
Heero-*laughs manically*  
  
Duo-lemme guess. To stop Relena from following us?  
  
Heero-um, maybe?  
  
Duo-thought so.  
  
Trowa-"..."  
  
Quatre-YAY!  
  
Duo-what?  
  
Quatre-Trowa said the petting zoo was next!  
  
Duo-oh boy.  
  
Quatre-yayayayayayayayayayay!!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
that was kinda long. Hope nobody minds. Well, I guess this chapter was sorta funnier than the last one, but the next chapter is sooo going to be the funniest. Heh. Just wait and see...  
  
Aria  
  
Please review! Ideas are welcome. Trust me...  
  
Oh yeah, and I'm sorry about the reference thing with the emails. I don't know why it's doing that... 


	9. The Sixth Batch Of Unlucky Animals

Well, sorry this chapter took so long to get written and posted, but I just wasn't in the right mood, and my computer was being all wacky.  
  
Sherpock-you were just too lazy to write this.  
  
Ok, and that too. But hey, cut me some slack.  
  
Sherpock-just get on with it.  
  
Fine fine.  
  
I don't own gundam wing or the characters.  
  
Thanks to everyone for the great ideas and the helpful reviews! They keep me writing and inspire me! THANK YOU!  
  
On with this….*grins evilly* maybe listening to classical music isn't a good idea while I'm writing this…how bout something more, interesting….just communication? Perfect. And after that I can listen to lion king music. Hehe…another one of my obsessions. "I just can't wait to be king!"  
  
The Sixth Batch Of Unlucky Animals  
  
The Petting Zoo  
  
Duo-*cries out in delight as he sees a sign and a gate that leads to an awful smelling area*  
  
Wufei-once again, this stinks.  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Duo-what's the sign say???  
  
Trowa-"…"  
  
Quatre-petting zoo.  
  
Duo-Yay!  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Wufei-injustice.  
  
Duo-c'mon c'mon c'mon! *grabs Heero's hand and drags him into the stinky area.*  
  
*~* the two pilots find themselves surrounded by goats.*~*  
  
Wufei-*following Heero and Duo through the gates* is there no other way around?  
  
Duo-NO! Now stop complaining and pet the goats!  
  
Wufei-goats? What goats?  
  
Aria-oops. *snaps fingers*  
  
Wufei-oh, those goats.  
  
*~* the area is now filled with goats. There are some stalls to the side with lamas and birds and other things that are cute and good for petting.*~*  
  
Quatre-oooh, lamas! *runs over to the lamas*  
  
Trowa-"…"  
  
Quatre-no, it's ok to pet the animals Trowa. Thus the name "petting" zoo.  
  
Trowa-"…"  
  
Quatre-*sighs* in English, yes you can pet them.  
  
Trowa-*smiles VERY slightly*  
  
*Duo and Heero are surrounded by goats*  
  
Duo-these things sure are cute! *pets animals on heads*  
  
Heero-hn. *feels a slobbery wet feeling on his back* Hn. Go away Relena.  
  
*slobbering continues*  
  
Heero-Omae O Korosu.  
  
*slobbering continues*  
  
Heero-*realizes that the slobbering is on his skin* "Where's my shirt!" *Realizes his shirt is missing.* *turns around expecting Relena, finds a goat slobbering all over his back*  
  
*~* AN *~*  
  
ok, incase you didn't understand that, Heero just lost his shirt, and Duo's is soon to follow…*wink wink*  
  
*~* fic *~*  
  
Heero-Omae O Korosu.  
  
Goat-*piece of green tank top hanging from his mouth* "bleat"  
  
Heero-*reaches for gun*  
  
Goat-Bleat  
  
Duo-ACK!  
  
*~* duo just lost his shirt. [author takes a moment to drool at duo and heero shirtless] *~*  
  
Heero-come on, we're leaving.  
  
Duo-good idea.  
  
Quatre-but I haven't finished having tea with the lama!!  
  
Duo-you already had tea with the koalas!  
  
Quatre-*sniff*  
  
Trowa-"…"  
  
Quatre-ok, I guess I'll come….  
  
Trowa-"…"  
  
Duo-where's Wufei?  
  
Quatre-dunno.  
  
Duo-WOOFFIE!!!  
  
Heero-hn. We're leaving Chang. Get your but out here.  
  
Trowa-"…"  
  
Quatre-Wufei….  
  
Duo-*Notices Wufei sitting in the corner, trying to hide in the shadows.* There you are Wufei, why didn't you answer?  
  
Wufei-I refuse to move. I will not stand up.  
  
Duo-how come?  
  
Wufei-a great injustice has been commited.  
  
Duo-it can't be that bad. C'mon, get up and we can, er, right this injustice?  
  
Wufei-I refuse.  
  
Quatre-c'mon Wufei.  
  
*from the distance* HEEEEEEEEEEEERROOOOO!!!  
  
Heero-how on earth???  
  
Duo-maybe she took up rock climbing…  
  
Quatre-c'mon Wufei, we've got to go…  
  
*From the distance but slightly closer* HEEEEEERRROOO COME AND GET ME HEEEEEEEEEEROOOO  
  
Wufei-fine. *Stands but keeps his back to the other pilots.*  
  
Duo-ok, let's go…  
  
*all five head for the exit of the petting zoo, wondering what can be wrong with Wufei.*  
  
Heero-*to duo* baka, your shoe's untied.  
  
Duo-oh. I guess it is. *stoops down and ties his shoe.*  
  
Wufei-*absorbed in his thoughts, passes duo. The others had kept walking.*  
  
Duo-*gets up from his shoe, and notices the others ahead. Takes one look at Wufei's retreating backside and bursts out in uncontrollable laughter*  
  
Wufei-*immediately sits down hard, hiding whatever duo was laughing at*  
  
Duo-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Heero-what on earth is wrong with you now? *to duo*  
  
Duo-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! WUFEI!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!  
  
Quatre-*looking amused* what about Wufei?  
  
Duo-HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! GOATS!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Heero-Wufei is not a goat baka.  
  
Duo-NONONO!!! HAHAHAHA!!! The goats ate….his PANTS!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!  
  
Heero-*glances at a very red Wufei* He's still wearing pants.  
  
Duo-HAHAHAHHAHAHA JUST THE BUTT HAHAHAHAHAHA  
  
Heero-*raises one eye brow*  
  
Duo-HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! He's wearing…. HAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!  
  
Quatre-I don't see what's so funny.  
  
Wufei-shut up Maxwell. This is an injustice.  
  
Duo-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
Heero-stand up Wufei. We have to get going.  
  
From the distance-HEEEEEEEERROOOO!!!  
  
Heero-*draws gun.* now.  
  
Wufei-fine. *stands.*  
  
Aria-*Bursts out laughing* thank you raijra for this wonderful idea…  
  
Wufei-be quiet onna.  
  
Aria-hehehehe….*leaves*  
  
Wufei-*walks past the others holding his head high, nose in the air.  
  
Quatre-*holds back a snicker as he sees what Duo was laughing at…*  
  
Trowa-*tries not to laugh but fails miserably*  
  
Duo-told you it was funny. *glances at nataku's pilot once again and starts his laughter once more* HAHAHAHAH!!!!  
  
Heero-heh. Wufei…I never would have guessed.  
  
Wufei-*spins on his heel to glare at the other four who are now laughing uncontrollably* SO I WEAR NATAKU BOXERS!!!! IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY!!! MAXWELL HAS HAPPY FACES ON HIS!!! PINK ONES!!!!  
  
Duo-*grins evilly* and how would you know *that* Wufei??  
  
Wufei-*Turns red, then heads once again for the approaching exit of the zoo….to be pounced on by the escaped lions.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
please let me know what you think! One more chapter then it's finished!  
  
Aria 


	10. What? No More Animals?

Well, I know I kind of left Wufei in a bad predicament last time, so what say I get on with this…  
  
Disclaimer-I don't own it so don't sue.  
  
I watched endless waltz today! Yay! I had only seen it a few years ago, so I forgot what happened. I think it's something I'll have to watch more often. Hm…I downloaded it off the internet. Hehe…couldn't find it anywhere else and it was free! Hehehe….  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
What?!? No More Animals?!?  
  
Heero-Finally. We can get this finished.  
  
Aria-*grins sheepishly* ok, let's get on with this…  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Wufei-am I gonna die?  
  
Aria-did I say anything about this being a deathfic?  
  
Duo-um, well, Hilde died.  
  
Aria-she was evil and deserved to die. *pinches Wufei's cheek* luckily, I don't hate Wuffles. He's just fun to torture.  
  
Wufei-*mumbling* injustice…  
  
Ok, on with things.  
  
*~*  
  
Wufei-ACK!  
  
Lion-roar.  
  
Duo-that was a really weak roar.  
  
Lion-I'd like to see you do better.  
  
Duo-heh…  
  
Heero-mission accepted…ROOOOOARRR!  
  
Duo-oh my.  
  
Lion-fine then, be that way. I don't care.  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Lion-can I finish pouncing on the chinese dude now?  
  
Duo-uh, I guess so…  
  
Lion-good. *pounces on Wufui*  
  
Duo-but Relena would probably taste better.  
  
Lion-*stops pounce in midair* oooo…..  
  
Heero-yes. Relena probably tastes really good.  
  
Duo-and you should know Heero…  
  
Heero-I have never tasted Relena thankyouverymuch.  
  
Duo-'nuf said. Let's keep going.  
  
Trowa-"…"  
  
Lion-oh, I can talk because Aria said I could. Just for this fic though…  
  
Trowa-"…"  
  
Quatre-no, Trowa you have to come with us, you can't stay with the lions and torture Relena until she dies from screaming. We have to find Oz, remember? But you can torture them…  
  
Duo-oh yeah…I haven't seen anyone here at all that was acting suspicious.  
  
Heero-or Ozzish.  
  
Duo-ozzish?  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Duo-are you feeling ok Heero? You're acting a little weird.  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Duo-well, I guess that was normal enough.  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Wufei-where'd the lion go?  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
from the distance-*high pitched scream*  
  
Duo-that sounded like Relena.  
  
Heero-*stops*  
  
Duo-um, Heero? I know you have this urge to protect Relena, but since she's only causing you pain, how bout you just let it go…  
  
*silence*  
  
from the distance-*high pitched scream*  
  
*silence*  
  
Heero-*takes one step…then two…*  
  
Duo-that's right buddy, just keep walking. *bounds along happily*  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Aria-*feels a twang of guilt for killing both Hilde and Relena* naaa…..it was for the best. *leaves*  
  
*~* five pilots head for the exit of the zoo…and exit. Expecting some type of ambush, Heero draws his gun, and glances around. Nothing happens.*  
  
Duo-well, what's going on?  
  
*~* they're standing in the parking lot, at the other end from where they're parked *~*  
  
*~*  
  
suddenly, they become aware of a strange sound, as if someone was trying to hold back their laughter. Heero glances up, and notices that a tree is above them. Among the foilage, he can see some specs of white…can it be…it could….  
  
*~*  
  
Heero points his gun up in the tree and fires once, twice…the sound of held back laughter evolves into a sound of pure laughter, and Dr. J falls out of the tree, right on his butt.  
  
*~*  
  
Heero-omae o korosu.  
  
Duo-what the hell are you doing here?  
  
Dr J-come on down guys, they found us.  
  
*four other scientists come down, without falling*  
  
Quatre-where did you guys come from?  
  
Duo-yeah. Aren't you supposed to be somewhere away from an Oz organization?  
  
Dr. J-hehehehehehehehe….  
  
Heero-speak.  
  
Dr J-there is no….hehehe…no….hehehehe….Oz organization here…hehehehe  
  
Heero-nani?  
  
Dr. J-it was a…hehehe…joke… to see….hehehhe...you deal with the….french….hehehehe..and it was really really funny….  
  
Heero-….  
  
Duo-bastard. As death, I proclaim you all, er, dead!  
  
Heero-*with an evil smirk* mission accepted. *points his gun at Dr. J, finger tightens on the trigger*  
  
Duo-NO Heero, I didn't mean it….  
  
BANG!  
  
*everyone turns to stare at Trowa*  
  
Trowa-what? It wasn't a real bullet. Just one of the ones that stuns people.  
  
Duo-you mean a stun bullet?  
  
Trowa-yeah, something like that.  
  
Heero-hn.  
  
Duo-ok, this is Aria's fault.  
  
Aria-so I don't know too much about guns! Sue me!  
  
Duo-shouldn't a said that.  
  
Aria-whatever, they know I didn't mean it….right?  
  
Duo-guess they'll have to review and let you know…  
  
Aria-yeah I guess so. This fic is over, done with…although there could be a sequel….  
  
Quatre-yay! Sequel!  
  
Duo-watch it q-man. You don't want another sequel.  
  
Quatre-why not?  
  
Aria-*grins evilly*  
  
Duo-you know at the beginning of this fic, how she had a list of all the animals she was going to use?  
  
Quatre-yeah…  
  
Duo-she only used half of them in this fic…so a sequel would mean more torture for us.  
  
Aria-especially Wuffles.  
  
Wufei-INJUSTICE! I already got pounced on by lions.  
  
Aria-hey, I got Duo to save you didn't I?  
  
Wufei-well, yeah I guess so…but it was at Relena's expence.  
  
Heero-*gasps* Relena…. *heads back into the zoo…*  
  
Duo-No! Heero….*follows heero*  
  
Quatre-oh no, not again…  
  
Aria-*manical laughter can be heard. *  
  
Trowa-yeah, the classical music mixed with gundam wing is deffinitly getting to her.  
  
Aria-heh…heh….  
  
-~-~-~-~-~Owari-~-~-~-~-~-  
  
Please review! Should I continue? Hehehe…I've never written a sequel before…  
  
Duo-hey wait a minute…you were planning to have no Oz right from the beginning, weren't you?!?  
  
Aria-um, maybe?  
  
Heero-Omae o Korosu  
  
Aria-eep! Please review, although I don't know if I'll be alive to read it… *runs away* 


End file.
